"Whispering Pines is a classy hotel." -Payne
"We're out of clean sheets." -Breeze
"That's why they have two sides." -Payne

"Aren't they the cutest most adorable couple in the whole world?" -Connie
"Certainly the oldest." -Payne
"I wonder if they still make love." -Connie
"Excuse me while I get a wire hanger and fish that image out of my brain." -Payne

"Here you go, skinless, boneless, blended chicken." -Connie
"My stomach doesn't make acid anymore." -Mr. Chandler

"So why don't you go upstairs, annoint yourself with love oils, and I'll be right behind you." -Payne
"Ooooo." -Connie
"No, I mean I'll be up in a minute." -Payne

"All right, slowly and precisely." -Payne
"I knock on door. They can't, I don't, and they won't." -Mo
"It's like trying to get a message from Lassie." -Payne

Written by Joseph Staretski, Directed by John Rich

Guest Stars John O'Leary as Mr. Chandler, Marjorie Lovett as Mrs. Chandler, Christopher Wiehl as Eric, Nancy Bell as Jennifer. Co-starring Andrew Craig as Elevator Repair Guy, Bonita Friedericy as Woman.